Through the Smiles and Tears...

It's been 3 weeks since Kai left our arms to be with his heavenly father.  For the most part, I can't believe how fast the time has gone by.  I really thought that the days would drag for a while, making me wish I could fast forward time.  It hasn't been like that at all and in a way, I feel sad that Kai's birthday is slipping farther away.  Sometimes, I worry that I will forget the details of that day or that maybe people will forget to pray for us as time goes on.  BUT I know the ONE that will never forget about us, the ONE that promises to be by our side and He knows each and every one of our sorrows.  He is the same ONE that created this complex universe (and maintains it!) and the same ONE that saves us from an eternal place called hell. He is mighty, powerful and sovereign, but He is also gentle, loving, forgiving, and capable of doing everything and anything for us!  Sometimes I need that reminder that I can cast ALL of my cares on Him!  Why do we tend to forget that our God who saved us from eternal damnation is the same God that can take care of our piddly worries of the day!?  He can handle it if we just give it to Him!

 Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.

It's funny how our feelings can be so unpredictable at times. Most of the time, I can't help but smile when I think of beautiful little Kai, which is so very often.  I am so grateful for the many prayers that were answered and I feel like I am truly ok with the outcome of our journey, because of course, it was God's perfect plan.  But then there are times that I just wanna cry.  I want to just sit (and pout) and wish I could cuddle my baby boy up on my chest.  I wish he would wake me up in the middle of the night to feed him. I wish I could stare at his perfect little face while I stroke his soft cheek and grit my teeth, because the cuteness is just too much to take in. ( I do that with all my babies, my cheeks are always sore when I have newborns!)  I wish that I could dress him up in cute little outfits and take his picture. I wish we had to lug around a bulky car seat and heavy diaper bag as we run our errands and show off our new little baby.  I wish I could watch his brothers and sisters fight over who gets to hold him next.  I wish, I wish, I wish....

There are times that I need to just cry and "get it out", but it is always short-lived. I feel like God reels me back in. He gently reminds me that I need to dwell on what I DO have, not what I DON'T have. I have a sweet baby in Heaven that waits for me. He is perfectly healthy and in no pain. He was able to escape every evil part of this world.  I was blessed with him in the womb for 39 weeks and in our presence for 4 wonderful hours. I have gobs of pictures that help capture those memories forever! I also have a whole bunch of friends and family that took part in that day, whether it was in person or via Facebook, and they can help me relive those moments of love and celebration. I have several letters and messages from friends (and strangers) telling me how God has changed their life, through our precious little boy.

Even amidst the tears, God is still granting me peace. I am so glad that God's peace is different than the world's peace.  The world's peace is based on feelings and circumstances.  If all is good in life, then there's "peace", but what happens to that peace when conflict arises? What happens when God's plan isn't the same as our plan?  The world's peace easily drifts away, leaving us stressed and worried.  Only God can give true peace in the middle of our trials.  True peace comes from knowing that God is in control and submitting to His will for your life.  For me, it's my prayer EVERY day... "Lord, help me remember that YOU are in control.  Please make your will known to me and help me be submissive to it."

Philippians 4:6,7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

John 14:27  Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.

I am thankful that these past few weeks have held so many more smiles than I could've ever imagined. We have spent time together as a family, laughing and enjoying being together. The kids love to reflect back on Kai's birthday. They often want to talk about certain things we love about Kai.  Just tonight, Nevin said, "I love how Kai's head was so little and round, just like it could fit perfectly in my hand".  We've talked about so many things, like his perfect little body, his long typical Harris feet, his frail long fingers and his perfect lips that looked as if they were "drawn on".  I am so glad that God granted us enough time to make these memories of him.

Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers. I know I say it all the time, but we feel so blessed and loved by all of our friends and family!

Knowing God...

We have been busy getting back to our family routine and just lovin' on each other as we begin our journey to healing. It's definitely not going to be fast or easy, but I know what God wants for us and it's NOT for us to sit around being sad and depressed. Thank you God for promising a plan of hope!

Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."


All of our friends, family, and even some complete strangers have been such an important part of this journey and I want you to know how much you have meant to us!  God has filled my heart with more love in the past 6 months than I would have ever thought possible! The love that has been shown to us from all of you has been an amazing support! I don't know if we could have gone through this with such positivity if it wasn't for you, your constant prayers, and messages of encouragement!

One thing (the most important thing!) that I want our friends and family to know for sure is that you KNOW God the way that we do! If you have not excepted Christ as your Savior, it is so important that you do so!  God tells us that we are all born sinners (Romans 3:23) and because of that sin, we are destined to an eternity in Hell (Romans 6:23a). But He also tells us that because He loves us, He sent his son to die on the cross to take away our sin (Romans 5:8)!  If we confess our sin and accept Him as our Savior, we will live eternally with God in Heaven one day (Romans 9: 9,10)!!!  It's easy and free, but we must RECEIVE God's gift of eternal life (Romans 6:23b)!  We must put ALL of our faith in Christ dying on the cross and His resurrection, and that my friend, promises us an eternity with God!  ETERNITY!!!

I think of how short Kai's little life was and also think of how short our life on this earth really is when we compare it to eternity!  In James, we learn that our life is "like a vapor that appears for a short time and then vanishes".  I hope that all of our friends and family know where they will spend eternity because we never know when our last day on this earth will be! Please feel free to message me if you ever have any questions about your salvation. I would be more than happy to talk with you!

For those of you that are Christians, I want to encourage you to pursue your personal relationship with God if you are not already. It can make an AMAZING difference in your life! I have been a Christian for almost 30 years and it wasn't until the last few years that I really got my personal relationship with God on track!  I've sat through umpteen church services and many bible classes where I learned so much about the bible, but that information rarely prompted BIG changes in my life. Don't get me wrong, it was beneficial and I am sure it kept me on the right path, but it wasn't until I made my personal relationship with God a priority, that He has changed me from the inside out!  Now that my personal relationship with God is going where it needs to be, my heart is open to so much more when I am sitting in those church services or listening to gospel messages on the radio!  I feel like I am constantly learning and growing! It's so exciting!

The biggest difference for me, was when I started taking time early in the morning (before the kids get up - which was HARD for me because I am NOT a morning person!) and truly listening to God and getting to know Him.  Just me, my bible, my coffee and God.  I swear I can feel His presence right there in the room with me.  I pray first, thanking God for who He is and asking Him to show me exactly what I need for that day.  Then I read a chapter of the bible and finish by praying and bringing requests to God.


Believe me, it's not always easy and I have a lot of spiritual growing left to do!  Some days I have to practically drag myself to the table to open my bible and other days, I sit for hours reading God's word and praying. But no matter what my attitude is in the beginning, I always walk away feeling totally blessed and ready to take on the day. 

I am definitely not wanting to come off like I am perfect or like I've got it all figured out. I am simply encouraging you to take that same step that I did towards improving your relationship with God.  I know if I didn't take that first step, I never would've been prepared for what God had in store for us!  God is so much wiser than I am and it's His power and grace that enables us to keep on moving forward!  I am thankful that He doesn't give up on me, even when I have been stubborn and hard-headed! God is good like that!

Anyways, I have so much on my mind and in my heart that I want to share on this blog!  I have started a long list of blog posts that I want to write, everything from details of sweet baby Kai's birthday to lessons that God has taught me through Kai.  I technically don't even "like" writing, but it provides such a wonderful outlet of healing for me, so God has pointed me in this direction for right now.

Please continue to praise God with us for all the prayers He has answered in the past weeks. Also, please continue to pray for our family and the healing that is taking place.  Some moments are harder than others, but God continues to comfort and surround us with His never-ending love!

Sweet Memories Captured...

A sweet, dear friend of mine made this video that captures Kai's life and the love that we shared with him. It is such a priceless gift and a blessing that will last a lifetime! Thanks Michelle!

Perfect Gift from Above...

Our sweet beautiful baby boy, 

Kai Jeremiah Harris

3 pounds, 10 ounces

16 inches long

born on January 31, 2013 

at 1:59 pm and taken to his home in eternity at 6:32 pm.

Thank you God for this tiny miracle that changed our lives!

Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart..."