It's been 3 weeks since Kai left our arms to be
with his heavenly father. For the most part, I can't believe how fast
the time has gone by. I really thought that the days would drag for a
while, making me wish I could fast forward time. It hasn't been like
that at all and in a way, I feel sad that Kai's birthday is slipping
farther away. Sometimes, I worry that I will forget the details of that
day or that maybe people will forget to pray for us as time goes on.
BUT I know the ONE that will never forget about us, the ONE that
promises to be by our side and He knows each and every one of our
sorrows. He is the same ONE that created this complex universe (and maintains it!) and the
same ONE that saves us from an eternal place called hell. He is mighty,
powerful and sovereign, but He is also gentle, loving, forgiving, and capable of doing everything
and anything for us! Sometimes I need that reminder that I can cast ALL
of my cares on Him! Why do we tend to forget that our God who saved us
from eternal damnation is the same God that can take care of our piddly
worries of the day!? He can handle it if we just give it to Him!
Psalm 55:22 Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous be shaken.
It's funny how our feelings can be so unpredictable at times. Most of the time, I can't help but smile when I think of beautiful little Kai, which is so very often. I am so grateful for the many prayers that were answered and I feel like I am truly ok with the outcome of our journey, because of course, it was God's perfect plan. But then there are times that I just wanna cry. I want to just sit (and pout) and wish I could cuddle my baby boy up on my chest. I wish he would wake me up in the middle of the night to feed him. I wish I could stare at his perfect little face while I stroke his soft cheek and grit my teeth, because the cuteness is just too much to take in. ( I do that with all my babies, my cheeks are always sore when I have newborns!) I wish that I could dress him up in cute little outfits and take his picture. I wish we had to lug around a bulky car seat and heavy diaper bag as we run our errands and show off our new little baby. I wish I could watch his brothers and sisters fight over who gets to hold him next. I wish, I wish, I wish....
There are times that I need to just cry and "get it out", but it is always short-lived. I feel like God reels me back in. He gently reminds me that I need to dwell on what I DO have, not what I DON'T have. I have a sweet baby in Heaven that waits for me. He is perfectly healthy and in no pain. He was able to escape every evil part of this world. I was blessed with him in the womb for 39 weeks and in our presence for 4 wonderful hours. I have gobs of pictures that help capture those memories forever! I also have a whole bunch of friends and family that took part in that day, whether it was in person or via Facebook, and they can help me relive those moments of love and celebration. I have several letters and messages from friends (and strangers) telling me how God has changed their life, through our precious little boy.
Even amidst the tears, God is still granting me peace. I am so glad that God's peace is different than the world's peace. The world's peace is based on feelings and circumstances. If all is good in life, then there's "peace", but what happens to that peace when conflict arises? What happens when God's plan isn't the same as our plan? The world's peace easily drifts away, leaving us stressed and worried. Only God can give true peace in the middle of our trials. True peace comes from knowing that God is in control and submitting to His will for your life. For me, it's my prayer EVERY day... "Lord, help me remember that YOU are in control. Please make your will known to me and help me be submissive to it."
Philippians 4:6,7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your heart be troubled and do not be afraid.
I am thankful that these past few weeks have held so many more smiles than I could've ever imagined. We have spent time together as a family, laughing and enjoying being together. The kids love to reflect back on Kai's birthday. They often want to talk about certain things we love about Kai. Just tonight, Nevin said, "I love how Kai's head was so little and round, just like it could fit perfectly in my hand". We've talked about so many things, like his perfect little body, his long typical Harris feet, his frail long fingers and his perfect lips that looked as if they were "drawn on". I am so glad that God granted us enough time to make these memories of him.
Thank you so much for keeping us in your prayers. I know I say it all the time, but we feel so blessed and loved by all of our friends and family!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Knowing God...
We have been busy getting back to our family routine and just lovin' on each other as we begin our journey to healing. It's definitely not going to be fast or easy, but I know what God wants for us and it's NOT for us to sit around being sad and depressed. Thank you God for promising a plan of hope!
Jeremiah 29:11 says "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
All of our friends, family, and even some complete strangers have been such an important part of this journey and I want you to know how much you have meant to us! God has filled my heart with more love in the past 6 months than I would have ever thought possible! The love that has been shown to us from all of you has been an amazing support! I don't know if we could have gone through this with such positivity if it wasn't for you, your constant prayers, and messages of encouragement!
One thing (the most important thing!) that I want our friends and family to know for sure is that you KNOW God the way that we do! If you have not excepted Christ as your Savior, it is so important that you do so! God tells us that we are all born sinners (Romans 3:23) and because of that sin, we are destined to an eternity in Hell (Romans 6:23a). But He also tells us that because He loves us, He sent his son to die on the cross to take away our sin (Romans 5:8)! If we confess our sin and accept Him as our Savior, we will live eternally with God in Heaven one day (Romans 9: 9,10)!!! It's easy and free, but we must RECEIVE God's gift of eternal life (Romans 6:23b)! We must put ALL of our faith in Christ dying on the cross and His resurrection, and that my friend, promises us an eternity with God! ETERNITY!!!
I think of how short Kai's little life was and also think of how short our life on this earth really is when we compare it to eternity! In James, we learn that our life is "like a vapor that appears for a short time and then vanishes". I hope that all of our friends and family know where they will spend eternity because we never know when our last day on this earth will be! Please feel free to message me if you ever have any questions about your salvation. I would be more than happy to talk with you!
For those of you that are Christians, I want to encourage you to pursue your personal relationship with God if you are not already. It can make an AMAZING difference in your life! I have been a Christian for almost 30 years and it wasn't until the last few years that I really got my personal relationship with God on track! I've sat through umpteen church services and many bible classes where I learned so much about the bible, but that information rarely prompted BIG changes in my life. Don't get me wrong, it was beneficial and I am sure it kept me on the right path, but it wasn't until I made my personal relationship with God a priority, that He has changed me from the inside out! Now that my personal relationship with God is going where it needs to be, my heart is open to so much more when I am sitting in those church services or listening to gospel messages on the radio! I feel like I am constantly learning and growing! It's so exciting!
The biggest difference for me, was when I started taking time early in the morning (before the kids get up - which was HARD for me because I am NOT a morning person!) and truly listening to God and getting to know Him. Just me, my bible, my coffee and God. I swear I can feel His presence right there in the room with me. I pray first, thanking God for who He is and asking Him to show me exactly what I need for that day. Then I read a chapter of the bible and finish by praying and bringing requests to God.
Believe me, it's not always easy and I have a lot of spiritual growing left to do! Some days I have to practically drag myself to the table to open my bible and other days, I sit for hours reading God's word and praying. But no matter what my attitude is in the beginning, I always walk away feeling totally blessed and ready to take on the day.
I am definitely not wanting to come off like I am perfect or like I've got it all figured out. I am simply encouraging you to take that same step that I did towards improving your relationship with God. I know if I didn't take that first step, I never would've been prepared for what God had in store for us! God is so much wiser than I am and it's His power and grace that enables us to keep on moving forward! I am thankful that He doesn't give up on me, even when I have been stubborn and hard-headed! God is good like that!
Anyways, I have so much on my mind and in my heart that I want to share on this blog! I have started a long list of blog posts that I want to write, everything from details of sweet baby Kai's birthday to lessons that God has taught me through Kai. I technically don't even "like" writing, but it provides such a wonderful outlet of healing for me, so God has pointed me in this direction for right now.
Please continue to praise God with us for all the prayers He has answered in the past weeks. Also, please continue to pray for our family and the healing that is taking place. Some moments are harder than others, but God continues to comfort and surround us with His never-ending love!
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Sweet Memories Captured...
A sweet, dear friend of mine made this video that captures Kai's life and the love that we shared with him. It is such a priceless gift and a blessing that will last a lifetime! Thanks Michelle!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Perfect Gift from Above...
Our sweet beautiful baby boy,
Kai Jeremiah Harris
3 pounds, 10 ounces
16 inches long
born on January 31, 2013
at 1:59 pm and taken to his home in eternity at 6:32 pm.
Thank you God for this tiny miracle that changed our lives!
Jeremiah 1:5 - "Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you. Before you were born, I set you apart..."
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
A Letter from Mommy...
Dear sweet baby Kai,
We are now counting down the hours until we get to meet you! So many mixed emotions run through us. Feelings of excitement and anticipation, but also feelings of cautiousness and sadness. Some days I just wish I could keep you safe inside me forever, and other days I feel like I can't wait a minute longer to meet you, our amazing little boy.
As the time comes closer that we will get to welcome you to this world, I can't help but feel so much different than how I felt with your brothers and sisters. Before, I felt like I was going to get to meet a little bundle that would change our lives from that point on. Now, I feel like we finally get to meet the little bundle that has already changed our lives in so many ways.
You've taught us how to give everything, and I mean EVERYTHING over to God and to surrender to His will, not our own selfish wants.
You've also taught us that it's ok if we aren't always in control. We must depend on God to get us through the trial that He put us in. If we deny to ask Him for the strength to get us through, we are giving up the grace that He WANTS to give us, and we are depending on our own flesh to sustain us. I used to think that "I" was strong enough to get through anything, but I have come to realize how truly weak I am without God's presence and power. Never once, have I felt alone on this journey with you, Kai. Your daddy and our family and friends have continuously been an amazing support and encouragement to me! Most of all, God has been right there with all of us the whole time.
You have taught us what true faith is. Faith is believing that God is who He says He is and believing He will do what He says He will! We thank God for the promises that He gives us in his word... oh, how we have clung to those many promises! Promises that He will heal your body, promises that we will have eternity with you, promises that He wants what is best for us, even when we can't understand no matter how hard we try.
Thank you for these lessons and many more Kai. I have a journal that I started at the beginning of your life, and in this journal I have listed the many, many things that God has taught me through you. I will treasure that journal and the verses in God's word that have brought us through this pregnancy. My relationship with God will never be the same and I have you, Kai, to thank for that.
Tomorrow will be a day like no other. I hope we have some time with you, even if it's just minutes or hours, to get to know you better, but in some ways, I feel like I feel like we know you already.
I know that you are a mover and a shaker! They said we probably wouldn't feel you move much, since you were unhealthy and I had too much fluid. Oh, how I am glad they were wrong! We have felt you kick all over. All of your brothers and sisters love to feel you kick and as soon as they know you are being active, they would try their hardest to feel for themselves. It is so cute to see the smiles on their faces as they feel you move around. They love you so much!
Another thing I know about you is that you are a night owl! Many times, when I would wake in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, you would be doing your own little jig, moving all around! This would usually happen at least 2 or 3 times a night, and I enjoyed laying in the quiet darkness, feeling you squirm as I drifted off to sleep again.
I know that you're not a fan of the hiccups! It was a long time before you got the hiccups, but in the last couple weeks, you've had them several times. I love that feeling, but sometimes it seems to irritate you as you try to settle yourself and get comfortable.
I know you've got a stubborn streak! Sometimes in the last few weeks, when the sonographer would try to do your biophysical profile, you would be sound asleep. After much shaking and prodding, you would start practicing your breathing, so we knew you were "awake", but you still would not budge. They would need to count your movements, in order to give you a good score, but your stubborn side seemed to kick in. No matter how much she would "shake" my belly, you would not move, just lay there looking peaceful, totally ignoring all of our attempts.
I often wonder if it's that stubbornness that has kept you thriving all this time. I read early on that most Trisomy 18 babies aren't strong enough to even endure life in the womb and that only about 5% make it through to a full-term pregnancy. We knew that our days with you could be numbered and that at anytime, God could take you to be with Him. Sonogram after sonogram, they monitored you and your heart, and you continued to be strong and hang in there. Here we are at almost 39 weeks, and we are praising God for having all this time with you... 244 days and counting....
God only knows how this story goes from here. We have tried to plan and prepare for you, but the only way we can truly prepare, is to prepare our hearts and let God's plan take course.
Though this journey has been heart-breaking at times, I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I love you and who you are with every fiber of my being.
Looking forward to our time on earth and our eternity together...
Love,
Mommy
We are now counting down the hours until we get to meet you! So many mixed emotions run through us. Feelings of excitement and anticipation, but also feelings of cautiousness and sadness. Some days I just wish I could keep you safe inside me forever, and other days I feel like I can't wait a minute longer to meet you, our amazing little boy.
As the time comes closer that we will get to welcome you to this world, I can't help but feel so much different than how I felt with your brothers and sisters. Before, I felt like I was going to get to meet a little bundle that would change our lives from that point on. Now, I feel like we finally get to meet the little bundle that has already changed our lives in so many ways.
You've taught us how to give everything, and I mean EVERYTHING over to God and to surrender to His will, not our own selfish wants.
You've also taught us that it's ok if we aren't always in control. We must depend on God to get us through the trial that He put us in. If we deny to ask Him for the strength to get us through, we are giving up the grace that He WANTS to give us, and we are depending on our own flesh to sustain us. I used to think that "I" was strong enough to get through anything, but I have come to realize how truly weak I am without God's presence and power. Never once, have I felt alone on this journey with you, Kai. Your daddy and our family and friends have continuously been an amazing support and encouragement to me! Most of all, God has been right there with all of us the whole time.
You have taught us what true faith is. Faith is believing that God is who He says He is and believing He will do what He says He will! We thank God for the promises that He gives us in his word... oh, how we have clung to those many promises! Promises that He will heal your body, promises that we will have eternity with you, promises that He wants what is best for us, even when we can't understand no matter how hard we try.
Thank you for these lessons and many more Kai. I have a journal that I started at the beginning of your life, and in this journal I have listed the many, many things that God has taught me through you. I will treasure that journal and the verses in God's word that have brought us through this pregnancy. My relationship with God will never be the same and I have you, Kai, to thank for that.
Tomorrow will be a day like no other. I hope we have some time with you, even if it's just minutes or hours, to get to know you better, but in some ways, I feel like I feel like we know you already.
I know that you are a mover and a shaker! They said we probably wouldn't feel you move much, since you were unhealthy and I had too much fluid. Oh, how I am glad they were wrong! We have felt you kick all over. All of your brothers and sisters love to feel you kick and as soon as they know you are being active, they would try their hardest to feel for themselves. It is so cute to see the smiles on their faces as they feel you move around. They love you so much!
Another thing I know about you is that you are a night owl! Many times, when I would wake in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, you would be doing your own little jig, moving all around! This would usually happen at least 2 or 3 times a night, and I enjoyed laying in the quiet darkness, feeling you squirm as I drifted off to sleep again.
I know that you're not a fan of the hiccups! It was a long time before you got the hiccups, but in the last couple weeks, you've had them several times. I love that feeling, but sometimes it seems to irritate you as you try to settle yourself and get comfortable.
I know you've got a stubborn streak! Sometimes in the last few weeks, when the sonographer would try to do your biophysical profile, you would be sound asleep. After much shaking and prodding, you would start practicing your breathing, so we knew you were "awake", but you still would not budge. They would need to count your movements, in order to give you a good score, but your stubborn side seemed to kick in. No matter how much she would "shake" my belly, you would not move, just lay there looking peaceful, totally ignoring all of our attempts.
I often wonder if it's that stubbornness that has kept you thriving all this time. I read early on that most Trisomy 18 babies aren't strong enough to even endure life in the womb and that only about 5% make it through to a full-term pregnancy. We knew that our days with you could be numbered and that at anytime, God could take you to be with Him. Sonogram after sonogram, they monitored you and your heart, and you continued to be strong and hang in there. Here we are at almost 39 weeks, and we are praising God for having all this time with you... 244 days and counting....
God only knows how this story goes from here. We have tried to plan and prepare for you, but the only way we can truly prepare, is to prepare our hearts and let God's plan take course.
Though this journey has been heart-breaking at times, I wouldn't change any of it for the world. I love you and who you are with every fiber of my being.
Looking forward to our time on earth and our eternity together...
Love,
Mommy
Monday, January 28, 2013
Keeping up on Kai...
For those that don't know, our c-section day will be on Thursday, January 31st, unless Kai has plans on coming sooner. =) We are blessed to have LOTS of family and close friends that are going to be there with us to welcome Kai into the world.
We have made a Facebook group for those who want to keep updated that day. We know that there are people far and wide that are praying for us and our sweet baby boy and we would love to keep you "in the know" on what is going on and how to pray for us.
Would you be willing to commit to praying for baby Kai and our family? Would you like to keep updated? If so, please join our Facebook group, "Kai's Crew". Everyone is welcome to join, you don't have to be "friends" of ours on Facebook. We would love to bring our brothers and sisters in Christ together before His throne as we prepare for this day and the days to come.
If you have any problems with the link or being able to join the group, please e-mail me at Kacerchaser@gmail.com.
On the day of Kai's arrival, one of my very best friends, Shanda, has graciously volunteered to update the group as the day unfolds.
Thanks again for your prayers and support!
Matthew 18;20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
We have made a Facebook group for those who want to keep updated that day. We know that there are people far and wide that are praying for us and our sweet baby boy and we would love to keep you "in the know" on what is going on and how to pray for us.
Would you be willing to commit to praying for baby Kai and our family? Would you like to keep updated? If so, please join our Facebook group, "Kai's Crew". Everyone is welcome to join, you don't have to be "friends" of ours on Facebook. We would love to bring our brothers and sisters in Christ together before His throne as we prepare for this day and the days to come.
If you have any problems with the link or being able to join the group, please e-mail me at Kacerchaser@gmail.com.
On the day of Kai's arrival, one of my very best friends, Shanda, has graciously volunteered to update the group as the day unfolds.
Thanks again for your prayers and support!
Matthew 18;20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Counting down....
This pregnancy has been a journey like no other. In the beginning, I
often wondered if the sad times would take over and put a dark shadow on
our lives. They haven't! Our God and Savior has sustained us the
entire time. I am definitely not saying there have been no tears, but there have
been so many more good days than hard days. We've made good memories with our Kai the best way we know how and I hope we can cherish these memories forever. Each family member has different ways of dealing with this trial, but we've learned to lean on each other and support each other. We've seen our kids' relationships grow stronger and watched them encourage each other. What a blessing!
I wanted to jot a few memories down, so that we don't forget them...
Nolan and Nevin (6 years old) are so young, it's hard for them to even wrap their little minds around this. They pray for Kai at dinner time and often ask "silly" questions about him. The innocence of their youth is so sweet. A couple of times in the past few months, spunky little Nevin would blurt out, "I can't wait to die!". To which I would respond "Nevin! Don't ever say that!" and he would tell me "I am just saying, heaven is going to be awesome, with streets of gold and mansions, and plus I would get to be with Kai sooner!" Needless to say, we've had some conversations about God's purpose for us here on this earth and that heaven will always be there for us and never fade.
Tucker, who is even younger, just 2 1/2 years old, has his own love for his baby brother as well. We go through the same conversation every night when we sit down to rock at bedtime. Tucker snuggles all in around my very round, protruding belly... he seems to fit just perfectly. His hand wonders down to my belly and he sets it right on top and the same words are said every night...
TUCKER: (in his sweet little voice) "This is baby Kai?"
ME: "Yep, that's baby Kai."
TUCKER: (lifts his head up with his big eyes looking right into mine, raises his eye brows, and then pushes his hand a little harder on my belly) "I 'quish' baby Kai???"
ME: "Noooo, don't squish him, you should be soft and show him love."
TUCKER: "Ok mom" (then he starts to rub my belly very softly, sometimes till he falls asleep)
Bryson, our sweet sensitive 8 year old, has loved to have his hand on my belly, every chance he gets. Many times, he would come and talk to me about his day and his hand would gently rub over my belly the whole time we would be talking. I think some of the time, it was done subconsciously, but out of pure love for that little life growing inside me.
The girls (12 years old) struggled with telling their friends about Kai's situation, but they wanted him to have his place in their life. They are proud that he is their brother and didn't want to keep him a secret, so as hard as it was, they told their friends that he would probably only be with us a short time. They took Kai's sonogram pictures and hung them in their locker, so that they could remember how special he is to them and show him off throughout their school day. Also, at night, when they would head up to bed, they would usually ask, "Is Kai wiggling or is he sleeping?" They would give him a little pat and tell him "Good night little Kai!".
Ashton (14 years old) has been the quietest of the kids when we talk about Kai... actually he's probably the quietest of all the kids period! =) He has always been a deep thinker and would ask questions about Kai as they came to him. He continued to remain strong and only say positive things, knowing that the kids all look up to him as the older brother. He told us at one point, that he feels like Kai will always be with him throughout his whole life even though he won't be on this earth. I think he's right. =)
We've been able to do so much throughout the pregnancy. I have felt great the entire time! We have had some fun family time.... of course, the highlight was our trip to the beach, which "kicked off" this pregnancy! We also did a couple Brown County trips, a Holiday World adventure, a few spontaneous day trips to Indy, and even a 3 day trip to an indoor water park right before Christmas! (Of course, Kai and I spent most of our time in the lazy river, which was fine with me!) =)
On a side note... I don't know what I would've done without Dave, he is my rock. He has been there for me over the last 15 years and this pregnancy has been no different. Our relationship is so uniquely solid, thank God! I have always felt like we have something that most of this world could never even understand. He is my absolute best friend and I couldn't love him any more than I do. Just when I thought our relationship could never be any stronger, God put us "here". We have grown even closer and our bond is tighter than ever. We have cried together, encouraged each other, and praised God together. I would have never chosen this recent path that God put us on, but I am convinced that I couldn't have walked it without Dave. God knew that almost 16 years ago when He brought Dave into my life!
There are so many emotions going through us this week. We are approaching the day with a positive attitude, but there are times that it's just too much for our human minds to bear. Times that we have to break down and have a good cry and bring ourselves back to the point where we can thank God for this. I am thankful for God's word and my personal time with God daily. It always seems to encourage me and get me back on track and thinking about things eternally.
Please pray for us this week. I know that so many are praying, and not just because you tell us, but because we are reaping all the benefits from your prayers. I cherish the sweet comments and messages that you have sent to us. So many times, if I am feeling down, I go back and read over them. I plan on printing them out and keeping them as keepsakes. It's amazing the support that we've had from friends, families, and even some perfect strangers! God has put you in our path for a reason and we thank Him for that as well.
I wanted to jot a few memories down, so that we don't forget them...
Nolan and Nevin (6 years old) are so young, it's hard for them to even wrap their little minds around this. They pray for Kai at dinner time and often ask "silly" questions about him. The innocence of their youth is so sweet. A couple of times in the past few months, spunky little Nevin would blurt out, "I can't wait to die!". To which I would respond "Nevin! Don't ever say that!" and he would tell me "I am just saying, heaven is going to be awesome, with streets of gold and mansions, and plus I would get to be with Kai sooner!" Needless to say, we've had some conversations about God's purpose for us here on this earth and that heaven will always be there for us and never fade.
Tucker, who is even younger, just 2 1/2 years old, has his own love for his baby brother as well. We go through the same conversation every night when we sit down to rock at bedtime. Tucker snuggles all in around my very round, protruding belly... he seems to fit just perfectly. His hand wonders down to my belly and he sets it right on top and the same words are said every night...
TUCKER: (in his sweet little voice) "This is baby Kai?"
ME: "Yep, that's baby Kai."
TUCKER: (lifts his head up with his big eyes looking right into mine, raises his eye brows, and then pushes his hand a little harder on my belly) "I 'quish' baby Kai???"
ME: "Noooo, don't squish him, you should be soft and show him love."
TUCKER: "Ok mom" (then he starts to rub my belly very softly, sometimes till he falls asleep)
Bryson, our sweet sensitive 8 year old, has loved to have his hand on my belly, every chance he gets. Many times, he would come and talk to me about his day and his hand would gently rub over my belly the whole time we would be talking. I think some of the time, it was done subconsciously, but out of pure love for that little life growing inside me.
The girls (12 years old) struggled with telling their friends about Kai's situation, but they wanted him to have his place in their life. They are proud that he is their brother and didn't want to keep him a secret, so as hard as it was, they told their friends that he would probably only be with us a short time. They took Kai's sonogram pictures and hung them in their locker, so that they could remember how special he is to them and show him off throughout their school day. Also, at night, when they would head up to bed, they would usually ask, "Is Kai wiggling or is he sleeping?" They would give him a little pat and tell him "Good night little Kai!".
Ashton (14 years old) has been the quietest of the kids when we talk about Kai... actually he's probably the quietest of all the kids period! =) He has always been a deep thinker and would ask questions about Kai as they came to him. He continued to remain strong and only say positive things, knowing that the kids all look up to him as the older brother. He told us at one point, that he feels like Kai will always be with him throughout his whole life even though he won't be on this earth. I think he's right. =)
We've been able to do so much throughout the pregnancy. I have felt great the entire time! We have had some fun family time.... of course, the highlight was our trip to the beach, which "kicked off" this pregnancy! We also did a couple Brown County trips, a Holiday World adventure, a few spontaneous day trips to Indy, and even a 3 day trip to an indoor water park right before Christmas! (Of course, Kai and I spent most of our time in the lazy river, which was fine with me!) =)
On a side note... I don't know what I would've done without Dave, he is my rock. He has been there for me over the last 15 years and this pregnancy has been no different. Our relationship is so uniquely solid, thank God! I have always felt like we have something that most of this world could never even understand. He is my absolute best friend and I couldn't love him any more than I do. Just when I thought our relationship could never be any stronger, God put us "here". We have grown even closer and our bond is tighter than ever. We have cried together, encouraged each other, and praised God together. I would have never chosen this recent path that God put us on, but I am convinced that I couldn't have walked it without Dave. God knew that almost 16 years ago when He brought Dave into my life!
There are so many emotions going through us this week. We are approaching the day with a positive attitude, but there are times that it's just too much for our human minds to bear. Times that we have to break down and have a good cry and bring ourselves back to the point where we can thank God for this. I am thankful for God's word and my personal time with God daily. It always seems to encourage me and get me back on track and thinking about things eternally.
Please pray for us this week. I know that so many are praying, and not just because you tell us, but because we are reaping all the benefits from your prayers. I cherish the sweet comments and messages that you have sent to us. So many times, if I am feeling down, I go back and read over them. I plan on printing them out and keeping them as keepsakes. It's amazing the support that we've had from friends, families, and even some perfect strangers! God has put you in our path for a reason and we thank Him for that as well.
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